reflection.

i had time to reflect tonight for the first time in a long time. kristen, you are right- it is so important.
i actually got to write in my journal and got to look back at my roller coaster of a few years.
one consistent theme in my journal is "redo", "relive", "rethink".

it seems as if i am always wishing i could start over or slow down, embrace the present & cherish the past rather than long for impossibility. gosh, i feel myself doing that all the time: rushing, planning, WORRYING, just never being present in my life. and of course, i read through old thoughts of mine & they are always the same. wishing i could go back, and relive those wonderful weeks in the summer when i was only thinking about the next month, or relive something that is never going to happen again & getting sad about it, instead of enjoying what i have in the present.

i really really really wish i could live in the present.
i once read something like, "anxiety is living in the future, depression is living in the past, and peace is living in the present." in my search for ways to live in the present i found simple, yet powerful statements such as,  "the present is all we've got" & "if you are not living in the present, you are living in an illusion" & "if you are living in the present, you are living in acceptance". gosh, i never really realized how important "acceptance" is in all of this. i think that will be my biggest struggle in this new life i hope to live. accepting things as how they are now & not comparing them to the past or wishing how they would be in the future.
strangely enough i actually went to a brown bag lunch at the elisa project & the nutritionist who spoke talked about how time-- which was actually created by humans-- is a huge factor in the maintenance of unhealthy eating patterns. it's weird how certain constructs negatively affect humans in so many ways, even though they were created with the best intentions.

i will leave you with my fav. quote i've found on the topic so far,
“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -Unknown

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any thoughts or advice on this topic would be so helpful. :)